The Story – Part 1

I’m sitting here crying again (yes, I’ve been crying a lot).

I am completely overwhelmed by how in love I am with this little guy.

I am overwhelmed by how much more you can enjoy a newborn when they are in your arms, when you are home, when there is no schedule, when you don’t have to drive to the hospital every 2 hours, when they are eating well, when you are not second guessing everything because of a medical diagnosis, and a BIG one – when your mom is in town taking care of you.

I am so thankful I had 3 hours after delivery to hold him and get to know him, but it was terrifying. I didn’t know if he was dying in my arms or not – whether his blood sugars were normal or dropping and the nurses would only test at certain times. So we waited with anxious breath; are his blood sugars high or low?! His delivery number was 56, within 30 minutes it was 33 and then it was 36 within an hour and that was after drinking almost 2ml (THAT IS A LOT FOR A NEWBORN) of formula. Not looking good. Not DANGEROUS but not good enough to keep him out of the NICU.

After the NICU took Foster out of my arms about 10:30am on Thursday morning, I was taken to a labor and delivery room which was closer to the NICU than the post-postpartum rooms. Then, within a few hours, I was at his bedside.

We were SO PREPARED for him to go to the NICU but honestly, I think I was in denial emotionally, HOPING so badly that he wouldn’t have to go. Then it hit me hard again and I was an emotional wreck.

After my last post, things changed PRETTY dramatically – like within 5 hours. I wrote that post on Thursday night right about 11pm. At that time, a wonderful news walked into my room and you would have thought she was a gift straight from Heaven after all of your prayers. BEST NURSE EVER. She waltzed in, not knowing what happened the 10 hours prior, and started taking care of me (keep in mind I wasn’t even 24 hours out of surgery yet). I didn’t ask for one thing, she just sweetly took over and made sure all was right. New cath bag, more water with ice, took all my vitals, noticed a pillow had fallen on the floor and brought me a new pillowcase. Simple stuff that soothed my soul. Then, I woke up Friday morning to some great news. Foster’s IV drip was going to be lessened everytime his blood sugars were above 50 and he was running in the 70s everytime. WOO HOO! It took Ruby and Lindy 10+ days to get to that point. That meant, assuming everything stayed the same, Foster was going to get out of the NICU that weekend.

After the post the night before, I felt like a whole new woman.

Then, my dear friend came to the hospital and gave me a fabulous massage. Something to ease my nerves and help with the stress. AMAZING. I feel asleep twice during the massage. The smells of lavender and orange filled my hospital room. It was divine.

Thank you Jesus for sweet relief.

3 hours after Foster was born – our family photo

We enjoyed our day, spending time with friends who stopped by with food and gifts and joy. I made my way to the NICU every 3-4 hours to nurse Foster and tried to relax and keep things in perspective – there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Friday night as we were in the NICU, the unit was ABUZZ with something going on and sadly, I knew exactly what was going on by the haunting cries of the mother and family. One of the babies had died in the NICU as we sat next door holding our son. Our nurses tried to shield us from the sounds by shutting the doors, but there is nothing like those cries. I immediately had to set Foster down and go back to my room – haunted by what I heard. Heavy on my heart. SO INCREDIBLY thankful to have my son in my arms.

All of our friends and family – all of you who encouraged us, prayed desperately for us, loved on us – it was so encouraging to hear all your love poured out. We were being held up by all of your love.

We went to sleep with anticipation of what tomorrow (Saturday) would bring!


Leave a Comment