Giving Birth – A Parody

To all of my c-section mothers -this one is for YOU!

Giving birth to my 3 children was the most significant and empowering moment that I have ever experienced.

I had an entirely new sense of control and knew instinctively what to do…during my 3 c-sections. It was definitely everything, every woman would like it to be.

I really felt that my body couldn’t actually cope with this task alone; so with all the doctors and nursers and anesthesiologists, it just felt good seeing the end result of all of our mutual work. I walked away (only after 4 days) being very proud of myself for being able to bring my children to life with so much interference.

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The cold, sterile room, the idea that a knife is being taken to my body and my babies are being pulled out -it is just a glorifying moment for a mother. Ya know, most women are completely out of touch with their own instinctive ability to allow a c-section. Seriously, I felt so proud of all my hard work and really felt like my body just knew what to do.

The more civilized we become, the more we forget our natural habits. The habits of asking for help. I asked my OB/GYN for help and they helped me get 3 babies out.

I mean, God just made my body to know what to do – to get up on that table and obey orders. (p.s. I defriended that person who wrote about how God blessed her with this body which knew what to do. I just couldn’t stomach it).

I see enormous potential in the use of focusing around c-sections, especially in the realms of human relationships as a counter to the environment in hospitals where bodily processes are almost exclusively influenced through physical and chemical help. It would be preferable instead to allow the parties (father, mother, child), giving due attention to their personalities, to overcome their own pride and to offer them appropriate psychological support and thus facilitate a smoother c-section. At the same time, I am aware that this would need considerably more time, energy and attention, and not least of all a different attitude.

This C-section birth movement is run entirely by women like myself, who have rediscovered the c-section through their own experiences. They are women who have chosen to get off the midwife birthing beds and give birth in the cold, sterile, uncomfortable hospital beds. Proud of doing so much hard work, hours and hours of preparing and seeing the final result.

I don’t know why more and more women have been resisting the allure of elective “c-sections” in favor of natural childbirth. Not only are c-sections widely considered the best and safest way to deliver a child, c-sections empower women by reinforcing their belief in themselves and their abilities. Right?!

My husband is so proud of me. You should see the glow on his face as he waits behind the blue curtain. He has only seen my lady parts, a million times, not that he needs to see them again. After the 1 hour post-op time, my husband was glowing from all the hard work I endured. He keeps saying “I am the strongest and most amazing person he’s ever known. There’s not a single human who’s ever lived that he admired more. I am his hero.” Yes, I am so PROUD of all the hard work that I labored through to have my c-section.

In all seriousness. I pretty much quoted all the things I have read about women who have delivered “naturally” and replaced the word v.agina with c-section.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I balked at the thought of having a c-section and felt it was not for me. I was going to have a “natural” birth. MAYBE EVEN at home!!! No drugs, nothing unnecessary, husband watching everything, hold my baby all bloodied and blue -straight out of my womb. I completely resisted the thoughts of c-section and then after 72 HOURS of labor and the thought that my child’s heartbeat was doing something funny…I signed the c-section papers faster than you could say surgery.

C-sections are essential in this day and age. I know we ALL know it, but there is value in c-sections! C-sections are not second-rate birthing experiences, they are not used because our “bodies didn’t know what to do”, they are not used because we are lazy. C-sections SAVE lives and are necessary for millions of reasons.

You all know, I have personally had a HARD time emotionally with all 3 of my c-sections because I have felt like I had a c-grade (get it?) birthing experience. I didn’t get that glowing “my wife is the most amazing animal EVER” message after the birth of my children because lets be honest, that only comes from dads who have watched a baby come out of their wife’s you know what and she has done “all the hard work”.

I write this to remind myself of these things, to laugh a little at those who flaunt “natural birth” to encourage myself because I hate the fact that I’ve had to do it but having a c-section is not the end of the world. Having a c-section takes COURAGE. Courage to make the decision, to let your control go and allow the A plans to be changed. To allow someone else make a decision. To know that what you are doing is the BEST choice for you and your child.

Women who give birth v.aginally, yes, they get to wear that badge of honor (I’m not even sure what that means, but we all know it is there) and they get to say all of the ABOVE things with as much gumption as they can…But, having a c-section was right for me and my children. It saved Lindys’ life, saved MY life when Everett was born and allowed us to avoid ALL of the above with Ruby.

So to all my friends who gave birth via c-section -this one is for you.

And of course, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I understand infertility, I understand death. Having my 3 kids, ANY WAY is better than not at all.


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